I have so much to do, and I dont yet have the time to organize them all and frankly, i have not yet been inspired to actually change the layout of my little site (and a lot of this has to do with me forgetting HTML and then my lack of knowledge of CSS). So until then here are some ideas.

1. Project: Overhaul 4.0 will be put on hold until I have come up with a better plan. It shall be renamed Project: Overhaul 4.1 due to the fact that it's a major change from what has been stated in the current project.

2. Since I'm such a camwhore, I'll also try to put up a section for photoblogging. I think that it's a great idea. But so that people wont start getting sick of seeing my face the whole time, I would be putting stuff there that's not only me, but other topics as well. With that in mind, I need to have a digicam and a working pc. hahahaha

--update: got my new pc!

3. Serious life routine changes need to take effect immediately.

4. I also need to get the following ASAP
- The Book of Answers
- an altar

5. I also have to learn how to budget my time. Recently, I think that I have been spreading myself too thin for so-so reasons. I think that I need to do something more worthy of my time.

6. New dog.

Again, while Project: Overhaul 4.0 is on hold, this will be the main enrty that you would see (at least here in this site) for these things will be my main focus for the coming months.

Before the day ends, I would like to greet everyone...

Merry Christmas!

Yeah, that sounds just right. I gotta hit myself hard enough to wake up. I guess this is as close to a pride check as anyone would try to classify this. I dunno. I'm just blabbering as we speak. I dare not place this where anyone in the Material Plane could access of they choose to. I mean, none of the people or "friends" that I see every day traverse the Plane of Shadow or they probably have found some other plane or material plane in which they have migrated to.

Anyway. So I tried applying "upstairs". I got called. Did the demo. Apparently, since my destruction from the Material Plane of Toril, and while I was in spirit mode, my skills got rusted. If I would apply a D&D3.5 term here, you could call it...gaining a negative level. Yeah, I guess that's the closest for anyone who would care to interpret that. Since I'm all rusted, I dont think my demo had enough ammo to have the people from the Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus to revive me. I could blame this on several people but I think I wont. I think this time around, I will admit to failure.

Yeah, that's what this is. An admission post of sorts. I think this is the year that I will hate the most. True, some good things did happen but a lot more shitty events happened. And from what I've learned so far, it's not enough that the ruler of Toril has seen to my destruction. She wishes to have my spirit consumed as well. I dont know what to do anymore. There are other options, yes. But they both pale in comparison to the Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus and the Material Plane of Toril (at this point I'd say it's Abier [post-Spellplague]).

Now, you might ask, why do I think I failed? The petitioners for Mechanus all went through the same initial process that I did. What happened after was different. And I think that is something to consider. I probably am getting ahead of myself (as always) but it's always better to assume that. I will need to prepare for my presence in Arborea. That's not to say I am giving up hope, but mahirap na umasa. And so, prepare I shall.

I dunno. I guess I'm just thinking out loud. But this is my time to prepare. Nasaktan lang ako sa prospect na maangatan pa ako ng mga mauuna sa akin. Hindi ko sinasabi na hindi nila deserve yun. Qualified naman sila eh. Ang masakit dun, ako yung stuck. Yung hindi na nakaalis at umangat. Ang masama pa dun, nag-regress pa. Yes, this is totally my fault. I am blaming myself for this. And one of the reasons why I'm saying this here in the Plane of Shadow is masakit at mahirap na maging masaya ka na nakaangat sila. Hindi ka rin naman pwedeng magalit dahil wala kang karapatan. Hindi mo pwedeng ipakita na hindi ka masaya kasi ampanget naman nun, rude. So ngiti ka sa labas pero todo ang bitterness pag mag-isa ka na.

Ewan. Siguro kailangan ko na lang talaga mag-focus sa mga importanteng mga bagay and keep up appearances kung kinakailangan. A solution should present itself soon. I just have to relearn my skills and be patient.

The sun shined bright that day, and the colorful flags of the fair swayed in the wind. The markets were bustling people and wares of all sorts are spread out. Exotic cuisines from distant lands, mundane equipment, baked goods, hunting weapons of all sorts, fruits and vegetables and arcane components are scattered all over.

Three young men in bright robes, signifying their station or nobility, were walking down to the market, to see what they could get. They were students of the arcane, studying under a very well known wizard. Today, they have decided to test their newly learned skills and abilities, and what better way to test it when the market is crawling with people who are also familiar with magic.

"I dont think you can do it." Said the young mage with a shaved head. "You haven't even mastered the simple light spell, and you think that you can try to move from one place to another instantly?"

"I think I can." replied the red haired mage. "I've read the scroll very carefully, and I think I should be able to cast it without any problems. I found a spare scroll in my uncle's study. I've been memorizing the spell for three days now. I think I can do it."

"Then this perhaps warrants a contest." replied another man with blonde hair. "I have learned a few spells myself. And you" he said to the bald mage "dont think I dont know that you can cast dimension door yourself. I've seen you look through the spell in the academy several times."

"Okay, so what kind of contest are talking about?" said the bald mage
"The falls outside the city, we're all very familiar with the place, I think that's the best place to go to." said the blonde youth
"Fine." said the the fiery mage, "I'll go first. If you dont get there in time, it's your turn to buy us ale at the tavern."

Without waiting for his companions to agree to his deal, he started his newly learned incantations. As he completed the spell, flames started to appear in the air; he used his hands to pry open the flame that eventually shaped itself into a portal of sorts. Without looking back, he stepped in and the flaming portal closed.

"Did you see that?" said the bald mage.
"Yes, something is very wrong. I think he didnt say the spell right..." the blonde mage responded.
"We'll find out when if he doesnt get there when we do." finished the bald mage. He uttered mystic words and his shadow moved to touch another's shadow and from there he descended from within his shadow.

The blonde mage, seeing that he had no other choice, followed the two. With a couple of words arcane words, he took to the skies. He knew from the lessons from their master that planar travel is a very risky business. He was sure that his friends had at least the precaution to protect themselves from the natural hazards of the Elemental Plane of Fire and the Plane of Shadows.

....meanwhile
The flames opened to a dismal place. This place was devoid of color and as if he was looking through smoked glass. After gathering his wits about, he deducted that something had gone wrong with his spell and it transported him elsewhere. He saw three robed figures from a distance. They were in a dark place, a place where the walls of this plane perhaps touched another. It did not seem that they noticed him, so he decided to move closer to hear what they were talking about. He couldnt fully understand what they were speaking of and he could only gather information based on what he could glean on their discussion. Fortunately, he had learned the language of the Infernal Planes as they were conversing in that dark language.

Robed Figure 1: .......sacrifice..?
Robed Figure 2: ....blood......death.......I......no........achieve that?
Robed Figure 3: ......the effect........two birds ...one stone.
Robed Figure 2: How?
Robed Figure 1: Are..................that........sacrifice.......instead?
Robed Figure 3: Yes. We eliminate the villain and we will have enough power for our own ascension.
Robed Figure 2: Then it is best that we----

The darkness consumed him. The cold touch of the void claimed him and piercing daggers of cold had covered his body. Then the silence broke and it was clear to him now. The colors of the world had returned and two familiar faces were there beside him. The cold mountain water splashing on his face.

I used to have a barkada. Super close like any barkada. Ngayon wala na. I'm not saying that hindi ko na sila makontak. I'm saying na somehow, somewhere back there, sometime ago, I drifted. Super naiba yung path ko sa kanila. Hindi na kami nagkikita. Dati every week nagkikita kami, malling, chilling or kung anong trip. The weeks became months, the months became years. 

I'm happy for the people na super daming katext, to find out na barkada nila yun. Kainggit. Shempre, kasi wala ako nun. I have a super bestfriend, and that's fine, pero one day nga nagkekwentuhan kami about adding other people in the group. Pero parang hindi namin magawa or kung nagagawa man namin super tagal. 

So sino ang mga kandidates? Schoolmates. Hindi ko naman talaga ka-close yung mga kasama ko nung college, so Fritz lang. His working his way to become the greatest martial artist in the world (haha, goodluck p're!). Highschool? Busy silang lahat. Nagkikita pa rin naman pero hindi na kagaya nung dati. May mga ibang priorities na rin. Pero at least meron pa rin kahit papaano sa kanila. Kapitbahay? haha, wala na silang lahat. Hindi ko na nga alam kung ano meron kina Ole, Dindin, Wayne, Rachel, Boswell, Donabelle eh. Officemates? Hindi ko rin masabi. Oo nga at medyo naging close kami ngayon as compared to the last 3 years. (or maybe it's just me)

Wala lang, namiss ko lang yung times na meron kayong sariling tambayan, and dun kayo lahat nagkikita, and always mo silang makikita dun. Or yung isang text lang, kahit wala lang, go na agad. Or yung pahirapan! Yung sunduan/paalaman blues. Namiss ko din yun. Yung kailangan buong barkada pagoodshot sa parents ng lahat para mapayagan sa concert ni [insert rocker/artist here]. Of course matanda na kami so hindi na mangyayayari ito (except for one person I know. Buti na lang wala syang multiply hahaha). 

Doesnt it feel nice to belong? Kahit na hindi sa syota or sa pamilya. Yung meron ka talagang group of friends na makikipagpatayan para syo? 

But enough of this, may mga kailangan pa akong tapusin. Until next time na lang.

**system log: [message] ALERT! Unidentified, Unreasonable, Unavoidable conflict detected.
**system log: defense mode activated
**system log: initiating evasive maneuvers
**system log: charging plasma shields
**system log: preparing safety pods
**system log: initiating neutron ionization
**system log: casting protection from evil, protection from chaos
**system log: casting tortoise shell, silent wall, wall of force
**system log: preparing contingency: teleport
**system log: preparing contingency: plane shift
**system log: preparing contingency: shadow walk
**system log: systems ready

**This post is in Filipino**

2008 is the year of change for me. (oo, english ito, sorry naman.) Maraming nagbago sa akin (o ayan na). Sa sobrang dami ng pagbabago hindi ko na tuloy kung ano na ba talaga ang dapat kong gawin sa buhay ko. Hindi ko na iliista dito kung ano ang mga nagbago, ang importante ay alam nyong may mga nagbago.

7 months na since nagstart ako. Medyo noticeable naman na yung mga changes. Hindi rin lang naman puro physical yung mga pagbabago. Pero kung preview itong year na ito sa mga mangyayari next year, natatakot na ako. 2009 is a bad year for me. (based on historical fact na every 3 years may masamang nangyayari sa akin).

Pagod na ako. Sobrang pagod na ako. Andaming trial and error, wala rin namang nangyayari. Sabi nila, focus muna daw in increasing my market value; may point din naman sila dun. Nakaka-inis dahil impatient akong tao. Ayokong maniwala noon, pero totoo pala. Sobrang naging complacent ako, sobrang umasa na may mangyayaring maganda, pero wala naman akong ginagawa, so pano yun? Natanggap ko na sa sarili ko na hindi ako kabilang sa mga taong uupo lang tapos biglang may mapupulot silang P1000. On the contrary, dapat super maingat dahil baka katabi mo pa holdaper.

Isang taon na lang naman ang kailangan kong hintayin. Crucial ito dahil dito natin malalaman kung goodbye na ba talaga, tatadyakan ako palabas, or mapo-promote ako. Malaking "?" yan. At dahil pagod na ako, naging mediocre na lang lahat ng mga efforts ko. Hindi na astounding yung mga results, hindi na talagang inspiring. Nagkanda leche leche na lahat. Eh pagod na ako eh. Sabi ni Jahmeel, hindi daw dapat excuse yun para makalampas ako or baliwalain na lang. Go out with a bang daw dapat hindi boot.

Sige. Buti na lang at may bagong opportunity nanaman na lumabas. Shempre, lahat kami pantay pantay na dito. (Oo, may mga mas nauna nang napromote sa akin, at naiwan na ako sa level ko.) Panahon na para ingud-ngod ko silang lahat sa sahig (figuratively speaking, of course).

Yun lang. Gusto ko lang magshare.

Isa ito sa mga bagay na magbabago pang muli. Tapos na ang nakaraan. Wala na tayong magagawa (or to be more precise, wala na akong magagawa). Ito na ang nasa harap ko, ito na ang gagawan ko ng paraan. Panahon na para ipakita sa kanila kung ano talaga ang kaya kong gawin. Na hindi lang ako yung puñetang tatawa-tawa lang jan. Kailangan ko ito para maka-survive sa mga darating na araw, specially sa 2009.

But this doesnt mean na wala akong Plans B and C. In fact, matagal na akong nagstart gumawa ng steps to ensure na hindi ako tuluyang mamamatay pag pumalpak itong gagawin ko. Multitasking na ngayon ang drama ko.

Maintain the current plan. Keep the others on standby. Keep the rest oblivious. Only the strong will survive daw eh.

Now that that's out of the way, may isa nanaman akong ishe-share pa. Alam kong parang sirang plaka na ako sa kakakwento ng lablayp kong walang kwenta pero ito nanaman ako. Ganito kasi yun.

May nagyaya sa akin na lumabas and gumimik a few days ago. Hindi naman ako prepared sa mga ganun, in fact, first time ko sa mga ganung gimik. Hindi naman talaga ako pala gimik na tao eh. Bahay at mall lang ang lungga ko. Muntik pa akong hindi sumama dahil wala akong datung at wala rin akong maisusuot na appropriate para sa mga ganung lugar/event. Ayoko namang pagdating ko dun, mamatay na lang ako sa okray ng mga tao or worse, hindi baka i-ban ako dun altogether.

Hindi naman nangyari yun and sumipot naman ako kahit late na. Masaya. Inom. (Panalo yung PUÑETA nila, pramis) Sayaw. May napaginteresan ako, so ginamit ko ang powers ko para mag-introduce kami. Kwento kwento sayaw sayaw. Masaya. Hiningi nya yung number ko. Nagtext pa kami hanggang sa umaga na, kahit bangag na reply pa rin. Pero habang tumatagal parang nawawala yung magic, and hindi yun nanggagaling sa side ko. Ampucha, selosa pa. Baka daw meron na ako, or baka may iba na chuva chever. Sinabi ko naman na hindi at sya talaga ang gusto ko. Okay. Tulog na.

The next day. Parang hindi na sya interested. In fairness, nawarningan naman ako ng mga friends ko na wag dapat mag-expect kesho ganun, kesho ganyan. Ok lang. (nagkekwento lang po ako ha, hindi ako naglalabas ng sama ng loob) So hindi ako nageexpect naman talaga. Although, the way na nagtetext kami the other day, parang hindi na yata ako pwedeng tumingin sa ibang tao. Baka alak lang yun sa part nya. Anyway, nainis ako dahil bigla nga syang nanlamig. Niyaya ko lumabas. Dinner. Para magkakilala pa kami. Andaming excuse. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ay wala na to. Olats na. So hindi ko na pinress yung topic. Change topic na agad. Ganun ganun. Tapos I decided na wag na munang magparamdam.

Hindi na rin sya nagpaparamdam. A few days later, nalaman ko na lang na kakilala ko pala yung shota nya. Poocha, anlakas ng loob nyang ipa-feel sa akin na baka may pinagtataksilan ako, yun pala sya yun. Long distance relationship ang drama nila. Heh. Small world talaga.

Ngayon ako naman ay nagtanong sa sarili ko...since all is fair in love and war, aagawin ko ba sya sa kanyang shota, or maghahanap na lang ako ng iba. Sayang maganda pa naman ang connection namin, pero mahirap na yung ganun.

So. Ano sa tingin nyo?

DISCLAIMER: Inuulit ko, nagkekwento lang ako. Hindi ako naglalabas ng sama ng loob.

It's that time of the year again and I have to replenish my stock. Here's my compilation. I dare not release this in the other blog.

edit: specifics

1. USB Flashdrive 4gb [gilmore]

2. moisturizer [ biolink vco ]

3. strawberry body butter [bodyshop]

4. towels (bath and towels) [SM]

5. slippers (bedroom) [SM]

6. glutathione [Mother Earth]

7. additional RAM (512MB) [gilmore]

8. video card 256MB [gilmore]

9. iPhone 3g  [ewan]

That's all I could think of for now. I'll add more as I think of more.

Shempre nag-aadik nanaman ako. But these are the things that I must get before July 15. Except for the iPhone which might take a longer time before I can acquire.