**plok**
Burned at 08:27 PM

Yeah, that sounds just right. I gotta hit myself hard enough to wake up. I guess this is as close to a pride check as anyone would try to classify this. I dunno. I'm just blabbering as we speak. I dare not place this where anyone in the Material Plane could access of they choose to. I mean, none of the people or "friends" that I see every day traverse the Plane of Shadow or they probably have found some other plane or material plane in which they have migrated to.

Anyway. So I tried applying "upstairs". I got called. Did the demo. Apparently, since my destruction from the Material Plane of Toril, and while I was in spirit mode, my skills got rusted. If I would apply a D&D3.5 term here, you could call it...gaining a negative level. Yeah, I guess that's the closest for anyone who would care to interpret that. Since I'm all rusted, I dont think my demo had enough ammo to have the people from the Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus to revive me. I could blame this on several people but I think I wont. I think this time around, I will admit to failure.

Yeah, that's what this is. An admission post of sorts. I think this is the year that I will hate the most. True, some good things did happen but a lot more shitty events happened. And from what I've learned so far, it's not enough that the ruler of Toril has seen to my destruction. She wishes to have my spirit consumed as well. I dont know what to do anymore. There are other options, yes. But they both pale in comparison to the Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus and the Material Plane of Toril (at this point I'd say it's Abier [post-Spellplague]).

Now, you might ask, why do I think I failed? The petitioners for Mechanus all went through the same initial process that I did. What happened after was different. And I think that is something to consider. I probably am getting ahead of myself (as always) but it's always better to assume that. I will need to prepare for my presence in Arborea. That's not to say I am giving up hope, but mahirap na umasa. And so, prepare I shall.

I dunno. I guess I'm just thinking out loud. But this is my time to prepare. Nasaktan lang ako sa prospect na maangatan pa ako ng mga mauuna sa akin. Hindi ko sinasabi na hindi nila deserve yun. Qualified naman sila eh. Ang masakit dun, ako yung stuck. Yung hindi na nakaalis at umangat. Ang masama pa dun, nag-regress pa. Yes, this is totally my fault. I am blaming myself for this. And one of the reasons why I'm saying this here in the Plane of Shadow is masakit at mahirap na maging masaya ka na nakaangat sila. Hindi ka rin naman pwedeng magalit dahil wala kang karapatan. Hindi mo pwedeng ipakita na hindi ka masaya kasi ampanget naman nun, rude. So ngiti ka sa labas pero todo ang bitterness pag mag-isa ka na.

Ewan. Siguro kailangan ko na lang talaga mag-focus sa mga importanteng mga bagay and keep up appearances kung kinakailangan. A solution should present itself soon. I just have to relearn my skills and be patient.

i'm reading...wala
i'm listening to...wala
Currently feeling...bitter and angry
On Screen...wala

wanna burn some?